Robin Williams is dead

This hit me hard yesterday.  I was reading and my husband came in to tell me that Robin Williams had killed himself.  What a shocker to me.  He was only 1 year older than me and I was a fan of his since the Mork and Mindy days, I even loved his bombs that he made and he showed himself to be such a wide range actor, from crazy comedy to dead serious and he was good at it all.  What a waste of a life.

In my life time so many talented people have taken their lives.  I can't understand why.  I understand the depression and the emptiness that can fill a person, I am struggling with those issues now  I can understand pain that won't go away, health issues but I cannot understand actually taking your own life.  What is inside of those minds that makes them feel so isolated that they can end their time on this planet without thinking of the ones who they are leaving behind?  Don't they know how much damage it does to those who love them, how we never get over the feelings that invade your soul when someone takes their life?  Feelings of anger, guilt, depression, loss, what if, and the feelings may become less as time goes on, but they never go away.

Over 30 years ago, a close friend of mine hung himself.  He did it to make a statement, I don't think he really wanted to die but he was looking for attention and thought that I would get there in time to rescue him.  I didn't.  He died.  I am still mad at him, he could have been so much to so many but we never got the time to know, he took that from us.

I have had thoughts of ending my own life, my illness is taking so much from me, my freedom, my mind, my body.  In my heart and soul I know that I would never act out on those thoughts.  There are many reasons why, my faith in God's plan for me, my children, my grand-children, my cats, my friends.  I know the after effects of suicide and would not do that to the ones I love.  

I wish that the ones who had so much and gave the world so much, had taken the time to think of what they would do to all the ones who cared for them before they acted out.  I hope that I can be someone whom others can reach out to if they are struggling with thoughts of suicide.  

We all need to become aware of the people around us, in our lives who mean so  much to us, reach out, don't let them back themselves into a wall, where there is no way out.  Don't let suicide have your loved ones.